Feeling alone

When I was younger I used to feel alone when I would wake up and realised that everybody was not at home. I wasn't afraid or sad that they won't come back because I knew they will, but that feeling when you wake up and not seeing them first thing in the morning, well it sucks. So every time my mom had a day off from work and stayed at home, I would feel so happy, safe and secure that somebody is home for me to wake up to. I just needed somebody's presence around me. Because back then as a child, what problems did I have? Nothing that would matter today.

I guess I have been feeling alone since young. Just that now the feelings have multiplied and they have become worse. It isn't just seeing the people you love first thing in the morning when you wake up that can fill up the loneliness.  The feeling of being alone has been accumulated over the years, that you actually convinced yourself that no matter where you are, you are still gonna be lonely, even in a room load full of people.

Loneliness is a scary thing. You find ways to fill up this loneliness, thinking it would solve the problem. But no, this isn't solving, its running away from being alone. We should be asking ourselves 'why do I feel alone all the time' and solve the root of the problem. Yes, it is good to take some time off from being alone. But eventually, you will become attached to them, whether it's something or somebody. And sometimes you don't even know how much you have become dependent on them, until you have lose them. If one day they are no longer in your life, you will feel that a part of you is missing too. And that's gonna be worse.

The worst part of feeling alone is to pretend that you don't feel alone.

-Cheryl